Embracing the challenges & blessings of a blended & bicultural Samoan family

Archive for April 2012

Community…in just 5 minutes

If you are a reg­u­lar here, you know I have a pas­sion for Com­mu­nity.  Today when I saw the 5 Minute Fri­day word chal­lenge I chuck­led.  Seri­ously, Com­mu­nity? In only 5 Minutes?

If you are new here and are curi­ous what I have to say about How Com­mu­nity Can Hurt and How Com­mu­nity Can Heal, it might be worth your read. Espe­cially if you find it dif­fi­cult to engage in com­mu­nity.  Here we go…in just 5 minutes.

Start

It’s for every­one, no one should be left behind

It’s a risk, It’s a reward

It doesn’t work if you don’t try

It isn’t ful­fill­ing if you don’t engage

It will shut you out, if you shut out the others

If you are will­ing and dive in A.L.L the W.A.Y

You WILL be fulfilled

You will be challenged

You will be loved, if you love

Sup­port will show up on your front door, but you have to be the one who opens the door.

Get it?

Com­mu­nity will NOT come to you. You have to go to it.

Com­mu­nity will NOT BE if you do not work at it.

It’s worth it. I’ve tried liv­ing life with­out it. I drowned.

Stop...cause I gotta go up and do a few for­mat­ting edits, and I have to put away the soap­box.  Usu­ally not allowed, but I’m going to break a few of the rules just because I want you to get it.

Hey, speak­ing of com­mu­nity, I opened up a com­mu­nity board called Pinned There, Done That on Pin­ter­est for every­one who wants to repin their pins they have tried out…tested…worked…failed…you name it. If you found some­thing on Pin­ter­est and tried your hand at it repin it here with your com­ments (first I have to add you though! fol­low the instructions).

Finding common ground

Gera­ni­ums, Spring 2012

My MIL has been vis­it­ing for the past month or so.  I hon­estly love it when she comes to visit, but I also have much appre­hen­sion about it.  Espe­cially since Pule has been born and because of my feel­ings from the last visit.

When my MIL is here I try to find the bal­ance of her need (notice I didn’t say her desire) to take a break and yet to keep her busy.  When she is not with us she is with my SIL car­ing for 7 chil­dren rang­ing from 3–18.

Her idea of need­ing a break is just get­ting away from it all.

My idea of her tak­ing a break is to rest and relax.

That dri­ves her crazy, so I have sur­ren­dered my idea of “break”.

 

This is the best time of the year for her to visit as Col­orado is on the cusp of ush­er­ing in Spring.  One day we might have 75 degree weather and every­one itches to plant flow­ers.  Even the nurs­eries temp you buy pulling out all the flow­ers to the curb “please! Come and buy me…I’m so beau­ti­ful!”.  I don’t give in.  I have learned never to plant any­thing into the ground until after Mother’s Day.  We have been known to have snow on Mother’s Day.

So for my MIL visit this time, I decided to find com­mon ground where I could and chose to start with gardening…but with a twist.  She planted seeds into pots that she would bring inside every night to avoid the frosty nights we still have.

Sprout­ing Seeds, Spring 2012

We also went to the store and found a beau­ti­ful gera­nium.  She con­tin­ues to com­ment how beau­ti­ful it is.  Her seeds are sprout­ing and before she leaves on Mon­day I just might break my rule and put them into the ground with her.  Because this is our com­mon ground.  She has been prepar­ing the dirt for them just next to the grass we planted last year.  Sift­ing through and pulling out the rocks while I rake and feed our lawn urg­ing it to return.  The time we would spend doing this together far out­weighs the incon­ve­nience of cov­er­ing them should we get another frost.

This is some­thing we can do together while Pule plays nearby.  It was very impor­tant for me to find a com­mon ground for us dur­ing this visit.  Gar­den­ing seemed to be some­thing that worked for us.  In the win­ter it’s watch­ing The Price is Right and America’s Fun­ni­est Home Videos.  And I think Pule is enjoy­ing it as well.

We also will cook together.  Although, at times, this requires some trans­la­tion by MM.  We have got­ten much bet­ter at fig­ur­ing out what the other per­son is try­ing to say, but not always.  For a lit­tle humor, you might enjoy this post titled: I Don’t Want Her to Fire Me!

I hope that when she leaves she will remem­ber this visit over some of the oth­ers.  Even though very few words are shared, I am all to aware that actions can speak much louder and more clearer than words.  I do believe we grow closer together after every visit.  Even the more chal­leng­ing vis­its strong bonds can begin to grow.

A month ago I had my blog fea­tured and had a link to the post: “If only I could Speak Samoan”.  It cre­ated a lot of com­ments and it was brought to my atten­tion that it’s not just lan­guage bar­ri­ers that can be chal­leng­ing when it comes to com­mu­ni­ca­tion.  I thought I had it hard, but I have come to real­ize it may be eas­ier for me than many oth­ers who are chal­lenged to com­mu­ni­cate in Eng­lish with their MIL (or any­one for that matter).

Do you have to find com­mon ground when cul­ti­vat­ing some of your rela­tion­ships? What advice could you provide?

Healing while Suffering

Pule 2 years

I’m just going to put it bluntly…these past 6 months have been extremely chal­leng­ing for me and my fam­ily.  It has been a time of pain and suf­fer­ing on many dif­fer­ent lev­els.  Let me see…oh yes, here they are… I wrote about the impor­tance of lean­ing on your com­mu­nity to help you heal & con­trol­ling what you can when you can.

How­ever those two posts really did not address the per­sonal jour­ney you might be in, right now…in the moment of your suf­fer­ing.  I actu­ally was not going to write about this right now, but I prompted to do so.  You know, when you have that tug in your gut, the but­ter­flies in your stom­ach.  Maybe there is some­one read­ing this right now who needed to see it.  If so, then it was well worth it.

Much of the time music can bring me heal­ing.  There is power in music, yet there is even more heal­ing & power in the truth of God and know­ing that you are not alone.  Sun­days at church have been refresh­ing for me.  I’ve been encour­aged, renewed, strength­ened, and also chal­lenged.  Not just with my pastor’s ser­mons, but also dur­ing our times of wor­ship.  The time when you might be most vul­ner­a­ble.  If will­ing, the time when you can sur­ren­der your­self before your Cre­ator and allow your­self to be min­is­tered to.

There are two reminders that have got­ten me through this sea­son of pain:

  1. I am not alone in my suf­fer­ing as Christ suf­fered far greater
  2. If I am will­ing (which I believe I am), God is going to use this expe­ri­ence to expose a greater plan in my future.  Ulti­mately being that of a hid­den bless­ing and an oppor­tu­nity to glo­rify God.

Check out the lyrics for two songs:

“All to Him” by Des­per­a­tion Band

For every moun­tain that is high He is higher
For every bur­den that is great He is greater
For every val­ley that is deep He is deeper still
More than we can know

Our promise is Jesus
Our answer is Jesus
All to Him
All to Him we owe every­thing
Our sav­ior is Jesus
Our future is Jesus
All to Him
All to Him we owe everything

For every fear that closes in He is closer
For every doubt that comes on strong He is stronger
For every bat­tle that we face He has con­quered all
More than we can know

We know the great God
We serve the great God
We owe the great God
Every­thing all to Him

Jon Egan, Jason Ingram, & Mia Fieldes © 2012 Integrity Wor­ship Music/ASCAP (adm at www.EMICMGPublishing.com), Sony/ATV Tim­ber Publishing/West Main Music/Windsor Hill Music/SESAC, Shout! Pub­lish­ing (adm at www.EMICMGPublishing.com) CCLI # 6151735

“Bless­ings” by Laura Story

We pray for bless­ings
We pray for peace
Com­fort for fam­ily, pro­tec­tion while we sleep
We pray for heal­ing, for pros­per­ity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suf­fer­ing
All the while, You hear each spo­ken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your bless­ings come through rain­drops
What if Your heal­ing comes through tears
What if a thou­sand sleep­less nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if tri­als of this life are Your mer­cies in disguise

We pray for wis­dom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we can­not feel You near
We doubt Your good­ness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each des­per­ate plea
And long that we’d have faith to believe

Cause what if Your bless­ings come through rain­drops
What if Your heal­ing comes through tears
What if a thou­sand sleep­less nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if tri­als of this life are Your mer­cies in disguise

When friends betray us
When dark­ness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It’s not our home

Cause what if Your bless­ings come through rain­drops
What if Your heal­ing comes through tears
And what if a thou­sand sleep­less nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my great­est dis­ap­point­ments
Or the aching of this life
Is the reveal­ing of a greater thirst this world can’t sat­isfy
And what if tri­als of this life
The rain, the storms, the hard­est nights
Are Your mer­cies in disguise

Bless­ings lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., Uni­ver­sal Music Pub­lish­ing Group

 

There is a lot to chew on in those songs.  Maybe you are wrestling with why God would allow some things to hap­pen.  That is between you and God and there is no cookie-cutter answer.

I’m not going to post my thoughts on how to over­come your suf­fer­ing, or preach about embrac­ing your chal­lenges.  You may not be there yet (it took me some time to get to that point).

I wanted sim­ply to share what has encour­aged me in my time of suf­fer­ing with the hope it might min­is­ter to one of you.

Are you in a place of suf­fer­ing? Is there one thing that urges you to keep going and get out of bed each day?

Join me in repin­ning those pins you have actu­ally tried. Visit my com­mu­nity board “Pinned there, Done that” and request to be added.

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Tips I wish I knew before my blog was featured

A few months ago I had the oppor­tu­nity to be a fea­tured blog­ger with The SITS Girls.  I learned a lot from this expe­ri­ence and wished I had done a few things dif­fer­ently or at min­i­mum been armed with some tips.  With that in mind I thought I might pass a few of those on to you should you have an invi­ta­tion to be a fea­tured blog­ger.  I cer­tainly wish I had a resource like this before it was my fea­ture day.

I am only one blog­ger, and a pretty new one at that (just cel­e­brat­ing 1 year), I decided to reach out to more expe­ri­enced blog­gers for some input.  I was quite hon­ored to have them reply and participate.

Below is a selec­tion of tips from every­one.  There were a lot of dupli­cate tips which just reit­er­ates the impor­tance of tak­ing these tips into mind on any fea­ture day you might have.

You’ve sub­mit­ted your blog to be featured…now what?

You don’t know when you will be fea­tured, but it will happen…someday (for SITS, I waited 9 months. Another fea­ture oppor­tu­nity might only be a month away).

Don’t wait & be prepared!

Leah from Far From Per­fect MaMMa

FarFromPerfectMamma.com

Don’t think you have 2 or 3 weeks to pre­pare for your blog for a fea­tured oppor­tu­nity.  Start prepar­ing NOW!  Per­son­ally I only had 5 days notice (for­tu­nately 2 of those days fell over a week­end) before my fea­ture day.  For other fea­ture oppor­tu­ni­ties you should have a wel­come post ready to go in the event a blog needs a replace­ment blog­ger or last-minute hole to fill.  Then do some per­sonal touches depend­ing on where you will be featured.

Do a lit­tle clean­ing up each day so that it doesn’t seem like such a daunt­ing task when you have only 24 hours left. You will always be tweak­ing your blog.  It will never be per­fect.  Start work­ing on the things you want to change now.  It will give you time to play with the plu­g­ins or design changes to see if you like them and want to keep them around.  Trust me, you don’t want to find some­thing you don’t like on the day of your feature.

Write or freshen up your “about me” page. If you have not yet writ­ten one, now is the best time (really it should have been done before your blog was pub­lic).  Maybe you have not looked at it in the past 3–6 months.  Bet­ter go take a look, there might be some things on there you will want to update and make more current.

Posts lead­ing up to Fea­tured Opportunity

Char­lotte from My Pixie Blog


Make sure the posts lead­ing up to the SITS day are ones you are proud of show­ing off. Chances are, you’ll have many new read­ers and if they decide to poke around a bit you’ll want to put your best foot for­ward to give them a rea­son to return and follow.

Ele­va­tor Pitch:

Beth from OMG! Yummy

Be pre­pared! Don’t put off writ­ing your ele­va­tor pitch — you never know when you’ll get a fea­ture offer and need a photo and sum­mary of your blog.

Wel­come Post

Shell from Things I Can’t Say:

Most of the new traf­fic you will get that day will be from SITS so you do not need to spend a lot of time explain­ing what SITS is. Just a line or two with a link. You can always gush about SITS on twit­ter, face­book, or a fol­low up post. But your SITS day is about you.

Keep your post short. Under 300 words. Yes, truly, that short. Give a brief intro into who you are and what read­ers are likely to find on your blog. High­light your pop­u­lar top­ics or any fea­tures that you do. Include links, but limit to 3–5. You want to give peo­ple a feel for who you are, show them around your blog a lit­tle, but not have them think that they need to spend the entire day on your blog just to see if they’d want to come back or not.

Be Your­self and put your best foot forward

Beth from OMG! Yummy

Always put your best foot for­ward — even if your site doesn’t look exactly the way you want or you’re halfway through a blog repo­si­tion­ing (like me), you can still make each ele­ment the very best it can be — pho­tos that are crisp and clear and cropped the right size, proof­read, typo-free copy, a post on your own site that wel­comes read­ers and opens the door to even more great con­tent.  Also, be pre­pared with qual­ity con­tent after your fea­ture day to take advan­tage of the boost in readership!

Uti­lize links, favorites & “related posts plugins/features”

Adrian from Adrian’s Crazy Life

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You need to plan your “Wel­come post” care­fully, even more so now.  Back when I had my days, we had links to 3 dif­fer­ent posts, so peo­ple had a choice of sev­eral places to “land”.  With the new for­mat, you’ll need to cre­ate those links your­self in your post (blogger’s note: SITS does allow 3 links on the SITS post, how­ever this may not be an option on all fea­ture oppor­tu­ni­ties, so well worth the advice in gen­eral).  I try to have a lit­tle bit of some­thing for every­one, so I tried to include one funny post, one that gave some info about me with more of a seri­ous slant, and then some­thing use­ful like a tip or a piece of awe­some advice.  Then I use Link Within on my blog, so each post has addi­tional links at the end to encour­age peo­ple to explore my blog even fur­ther.  I’ve also got my Best Of link on my blog (per advice of the SITS girls) to show all my most favorite posts.  If I can keep some­one hang­ing around read­ing my posts for 15 to 20 min­utes, then I’ve really achieved my goal.

Your day has finally arrived…are you doing a dance?

It’s finally here and maybe you have pre­pared the best you can, now what?  Yes, you can do your lit­tle dance, I did, but no one saw it (thank good­ness!). The tips below can make all the dif­fer­ence to get peo­ple to your blog and to return after the spot­light moves down the line to the next blogger.

Reply­ing to comments:

Leah from Far From Per­fect MaMMa

FarFromPerfectMamma.com

This was my big­gie dis­ap­point­ment.  Since I had just moved over from Blog­ger, I didn’t real­ize that I needed to install a plu­gin for com­ment reply noti­fi­ca­tions.  Turns out all of my hard work in keep­ing up with the com­ments was for noth­ing as no one who vis­ited knew I responded to their com­ments.  This is so impor­tant for build­ing rela­tion­ships with other blog­gers.  Hav­ing some­one leave a valu­able com­ment (not just the stop­ping by from “X” blog) is like some­one stop­ping by the house to say hello.  I’m not going to ignore them at the front door and not respond.

Blog­ger has a fairly new fea­ture that not every­one knows about.  You can now turn on the “reply” fea­ture.  This will enable any­one to reply to a par­tic­u­lar com­ment and the per­son who left the first com­ment will be noti­fied that there is a reply.  Blog­ger has made it very easy.  Here is a quick step by step to turn it on.

If you use Word­Press you will need to install a Com­ment Noti­fi­ca­tion Plu­gin.  Be sure you go in after the install and check the set­tings to change them to your pref­er­ence.  You may not pre­fer the default settings.

Uti­lize Social Media

Deirdre from JDaniel4’s Mom

Reviews and Giveaways

I was so excited that I tweeted and face­booked my post on SITS and on my blog. Social media is so impor­tant on your SITS day. You get to use @SITSGIRLS on Twit­ter and reach all their fol­low­ers too when you pro­mote your day. It gives you a chance to reach beyond your own Twit­ter audi­ence to theirs. The same holds true for Facebook.

The Spot­light is gone…but what really matters?

Max­i­mize the new traffic

Leah from Far From Per­fect MaMMa

FarFromPerfectMamma.com
  • There will be a lot of traf­fic and a lot of com­ments. Take your time and respond to them (you don’t have to do it on THAT day!)
  • Visit each blog who vis­ited you. Com­ment with some­thing mean­ing­ful (not thanks for vis­it­ing me on my SITS day, return­ing the favor). Let them know you read their blog. You don’t have to fol­low them! Your com­ment just might make their day and encour­age them though.
  • Pay It For­ward: If you DID enjoy what you read, tweet about it, link to face­book, etc… Fol­low them on Social Media.  Maybe even sub­scribe to the blog.
  • Keep in mind you do not have to do all this in one day.  My SITS day was back in the begin­ning of March.  I am STILL vis­it­ing each blog­ger.  This is extremely impor­tant to me since I didn’t have com­ment reply noti­fi­ca­tion.  I respect the time peo­ple took (when I know they DID take the time) to read a post..or two..or even three.  I want to return the favor.…because for me it’s about build­ing rela­tion­ship and encour­ag­ing others.
  • DO NOT do it out of OBLIGATION.  Don’t do the above steps because you HAVE to.  Do it if you WANT to.  If you WANT to build your blog, build rela­tion­ships, and obtain more read­ers you will need to invest the time & energy.  It’s not just going to hap­pen. Sorry to burst your bubble.

Some addi­tional words for thought

Treat oth­ers how you want to be treated.  As you wait for your fea­ture day, how do you treat other fea­tured blog­gers? When you visit them do you do so out of oblig­a­tion or because their blog looks like one you might want to fol­low and read more?  “Roll call” is great (actu­ally required from SITS), it shows your loy­alty and enthu­si­asm, how­ever for the fea­tured blog­ger do your­self and them a favor and visit the blogs that really do intrigue you.  I would much rather pre­fer to have vis­i­tors who read some­thing inter­est­ing or desire to know me and my jour­ney more (another rea­son why your SITS post and wel­come post is so important).

I have found many (only a few are excerpted here in this post) new blogs to fol­low thanks to SITS and other fea­tured blog­gers.  I hope mine was one that peo­ple fol­lowed because of SITS too.  I was encour­aged and blessed by many of the com­ments peo­ple wrote.  It was an honor to hear from those who enjoyed read­ing my story about how MM and I met, the ten­der mem­o­ries that was spurred by my post about the wed­ding gift from my grand­par­ents, or even the chal­lenges I face in as a bicul­tural MaMMa.  They touched oth­ers and in return I was touched too.  This is what it really comes down to…being blessed by oth­ers.  Please don’t jump from one blog to another because you have to, or out of oblig­a­tion, but because you WANT to.

Do you have advice to pass along to oth­ers from a fea­ture day you had as a blog­ger?  Maybe you were fea­tured some­where other than SITS? Please share them!

If you are wait­ing for your first fea­ture, what is one take­away for you and your blog?

A HUGE thank you to each of the con­tribut­ing blog­gers who wrote me with lessons learned from their SITS day:

Shell from Things I Can’t Say

Dei­dre from JDaniel4’s Mom

Beth from OMG! Yummy

Adrian from Adrian’s Crazy Life

Char­lotte from My {Pixie} Blog