Life happens, and when it does this space is usually the first I have to let go. Something has to be lower on the priority list and unfortunately it is this little place for myself.
However, today I am carving out some time to write. Because I must…must unravel. Please do not judge.
I previously wrote about my personal word for the year: Becoming. Different from my family’s word: Conquer.
Today I took another step into Becoming.
A mother. Or more accurately for this space: A MaMMa.
I have never hidden the fact that this “mom” thing is not my style. It’s not me. I’m okay at it, and sometimes I downright surprise myself with my creativity or pat myself on the back with the way I handled a situation. I make myself proud. But it stops there…at the word “sometimes”, and probably more accurate is “rarely”. Right now our family is going through a situation that is painful. It has made me stop and wonder about Pule & why in the world God gave her to us. I even wrote about that recently here. In summary: our family dynamic may have nothing to do about us, and all about her. We may never even see the fruit of our pain and suffering. But for her, it has to be worth it.
Today however I kind of slapped myself in the face.
I believe some mothers are “called” to be mothers. They are given the talent for it. Others, like me, are given children for other reasons. I’m not saying these moms are not good, they most certainly are! “Good” does not equate to “called”.
However today in my pastor’s message he challenged us to be “The best leader there is.” Many of his examples were taken from parenting. Calling parents to SERVE their children. WHAT?!!!! Isn’t it MY time to be served? Yep, that’s just about where I am at. It’s my time (come on…we all have our moments of being selfish right? Well, I hope I am not alone in being a little honest here)!
Yet when I think back on my time in the ministry, or even in leadership opportunities throughout the years, I do recall many affirmations of my servant heart. So, okay, I can serve…again. But serve Pule? What does that look like?
Honestly, I don’t know, but what I can certainly tell you is that I have not been serving her. I have parented her. I think I should even say that I have parented her from afar. Knowing she is God’s and not mine has kept me at arms length to a certain degree. Please do not misunderstand me, I love her dearly and as much as possible. My heart has grown leaps and bounds for her and I know she was given to us by God for some greater purpose. I am only saying that I think it has allowed me to not take full responsibility for being her MaMMa.
However, after hearing today’s message I am challenged to find what it means for me to serve my daughter. How do I:
Serve her in a way that points her to her Creator, her Father and her King.
Serve her in a way that shows the love of a mother, wife & daughter.
Serve her in a way that respects family, friends & strangers.
Serve her in a way that expresses love.
In only a few weeks Pule turns 3. THREE! I have not served her well. Or, if I have I have not done it with a servant’s heart (did you catch the difference?). I need to figure out what that looks like for us. I know I have parented well, loved her well & taught her well. There may be elements of service in each of these, but I have not had a determined purpose to serve.
Today I am Becoming. Becoming one who will do her best to serve her daughter.
What actions do you believe to be examples of “Serving” your child?